


A Lunatic You Were Looking For

by knighthart



Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romance, Smut (A Little), Use of the F slur (Once), after season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knighthart/pseuds/knighthart
Summary: Butcher heard Hughie confessing his love for him, or at least he thought so until Hughie clarified that, actually, he wasn't and it was just a misunderstanding. The problem? Well, now Billy started to realize his own feelings for the lad and...they aren't friendly.
Relationships: Billy Butcher/Hughie Campbell
Comments: 32
Kudos: 167





	A Lunatic You Were Looking For

Butcher was passing by Hughie's room when he heard the lad saying the name Annie. Now, just because the lassie had helped them and earned a little bit of Butcher's respect, that didn't mean that he trusted her. After all, she was a supe and Butcher will always have a foot behind when it comes to trusting in bloody supes. So, he leaned closer to the door in order to hear their conversation. Unfortunately, since Hughie didn't activate the speakerphone, he could only hear what Hughie was saying. 

It was when he heard it.

"I don't know exactly Annie, it feels like I love Billy since the beginning," he heard Hughie say. Butcher frowned, leaning even closer to the door, on the other side, Hughie sighed. "Yeah, I know it’s weird. He is old and his face saw better days, but hey his voice? His voice is everything for me, you know what I mean?" Then Hughie laughed. "So yeah, I love Billy. I don't think there is someone out there that I admire more than him."

Butcher backed off, his eyes wide and his mug trapped in an expression that could be clearly translated like "What the fuck?" It was something that he didn't see coming. He was pretty sure that the lad hated his fucking guts even though things between them got better after the Sage Grove Center fiasco. In fact, even though Butcher didn't particularly want to admit it, the lad has been keeping an eye on him and helping him in the past six months after Becca died and they went rogue again because of the crazy bird that can explode heads.

"He called me Billy," Burcher thought while walking to his own room. "He never called me Billy before." It was strange, the only person that called him Billy was Becca and she was gone.

"Fuck," Butcher murmured when he arrived at his own room. He got inside, closed the door, and sat in his bed. "He is fucking stupid, fucking bonkers," Butcher said, taking a deep breath.

If the lad was really in love with him, Butcher has to let clear that whatever hopes Hughie may have, if they even exist, they won't ever happen. He was a good lad and Butcher cared about him, but he didn't fancy Hughie. Besides that, there was the fact that their life was too complicated for it. It didn't take a lot for him to decide what to do, he was going to talk with the lad later.

*

Later on, that same day, when MM was in his own room and Kimiko and Frenchie were out doing god knows what. Butcher took advantage of the moment and knocked on Hughie's door. Less than a minute later, Hughie opened the door, his eyes widened with surprise and then he raised a brow.

"Butcher," he said. "Hi, can I help with something?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Aye, let's drink a pint," Butcher said, then he turned and started walking towards the common room of their new improvised headquarters.

"Wha-what? It's almost midnight, Butcher!" Hughie complained, he was expecting Butcher to turn around and call him a cunt, but when Butcher sighed and turned around, it wasn't what came out of his mouth. 

"Lad, just, for once, hear me," he said. "I need to have a little chat with you."

"About what?" Hughie asked and Butcher looked at him like he was stupid. Hughie hated when Butcher looked at him that way. Butcher, on the other side, was trying very hard to control himself and not scream with the lad. He didn’t even know why he was so angry with the idea of being loved by Hughie. Probably because he didn’t think he deserved it, especially after he failed with Becca.

"If you come with me," Butcher pointed with a smirk. "I will tell you, now," he said, raising one of his arms and presenting the common room entrance. "Shall we?"

Hughie sighed and started walking towards Butcher. Butcher didn't move, he watched the lad getting closer with an amused smirk on his face, one he knew would annoy Hughie, and when he entered the room, Butcher followed behind. The lad sat on the couch while Butcher went to grab two bottles of beer in the fridge, he handed one for Hughie and sat in front of him. For a moment, Butcher evaluated Hughie and it made the lad wince on his seat. 

"Sooooo, what do you want to talk about?" Hughie asked.

"Right into business," Butcher said. "Ok then. I'll try to drop it nice and good for ya. I heard you talking with the sparkly girl earlier today," he started.

"You were hearing a private conversation between me and Annie?" Hughie inquired out loud. 

"Calm your tits down, it wasn't on purpose," Butcher replied.

"Right," Hughie scoffed. "Ok, so what? We weren't talking about anything important and we are using safe lines," he argued. 

"You ain't making things easier for me here, lad," Butcher said, exhaling. It would be simpler if Hughie just admitted his feelings. So Butcher wouldn’t have to bring it up just to turn it down.

"Making what easier?"

"I heard you talking about your feelings for me," Butcher intoned. "Now, I'm really honored and all. Really, but it ain't gonna happen." 

The lad froze and Butcher waited for a moment, but he was just there, blinking at him. Then, when he was getting ready to reassure Hughie that everything was ok, they were still friends or brothers in arms or whatever, the lad started to laugh. Butcher's eyes widened and he sat there, watching Hughie laugh until he was crying tears of joy.

"Oh my god," Hughie said, trying to recover his breath, but failing. He giggled a little more. "I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Billy Joel, the singer," he explained.

"Oh, that makes more sense," Butcher thought, still staring at Hughie.

Then, Butcher's heart clenched and it took him a while to notice that what he was feeling wasn't relief or even embarrassment. No, it was much worse. It was disappointment. 

"Sorry," Hughie said, taking a deep breath. "Sorry, I shouldn't have laughed like that, but it was funny. Don't get me wrong, I mean. You look,” Hughie looked him over and swallowed. “Go-good," Hughie confessed. "But, Butcher-"

"You don't need to pamper me, lad," Butcher said. He narrowed his eyes when he noticed that Hughie was kind of nervous, but decided to believe in the lad. "I'm glad this misunderstanding had been sorted," he lied, offering a smile. "No hurt feelings and you didn't end up crying on me shoulder so that's better than I expected," he added.

"You know," Hughie started. "Even though you were totally wrong about what you heard, I feel like I have to thank you?? You are being pretty decent about this," he said. “I mean, if this was real, and I was being turned down, well. I think I would be okay in being turned down like this,” he rambled. 

T.W: F-SLUR

"What did you expect me to do?" Butcher asked. "Scream at you and call you a fag?" Hughie huffed.

T.W -FINISHED

"Yeah, pretty much," he replied.

"I'm bisexual, lad. I would never use that fucking word," Butcher explained. 

"Oh," Hughie exclaimed, surprised. "I had no idea. Anyway, thank you, I guess," he said.

"Whatever," Butcher said, taking a sip of his beer. "If you mention it to anyone-"

"You won't do shit," Hughie interrupted him, he leaned behind and was giving a cheeky smile. He was proud of himself and he should. He was right, Butcher wasn't going to do anything with him. Maybe, one year ago, but now Butcher cared too much about him to cause him any harm on purpose. 

"I know your secret, Burcher. You can be crazy, but you have a soft spot inside of you," Hughie pointed. Butcher missed the time when Hughie was shy and jumpy, the lad was growing up secure of himself and he wasn’t afraid of him anymore. Then, he was adorable, now he was a bloody provocation.

"Sod off, cunt," Butcher replied, making Hughie chuckle and then stare at him.

Their eyes met.

Butcher never cared or paid attention to how Hughie's eyes were blue and warm, almost like a pool of thermal waters. His heart clenched again. That was when Butcher knew he was in trouble.

He could feel it inside, poking at the surface of his heart, trying to overcome all the fucking walls he had built around it. It was the same sensation he had all those years ago when he met Becca in a subway during one of the worst days of his life and she called him a Panda. It was that little tickle that grabbed Butcher's head and forced him to look around just to see that there was more in life than that little dark hole that he dug to himself.

It was dangerous.

That little feeling once gave him hope and then took away Becca.

*

Butcher's response to his realization, that he didn't acknowledge at all, was to shove down and suppress his feelings. He was a champion at that. The only thing he allowed himself to let out was his anger and annoyance with everyone around him and life itself. However, even though controlling his feelings, or ignoring them, was mostly easy, he sometimes caught himself acting...around the lad. And by acting, it means taking care of him and showing it by doing everything he could to improve Hughie’s happiness.

  
  


For example, one day they were monitoring a target, taking rounds to stay awake, and watching him. Hughie was supposed to replace Butcher and then Frenchie was going to replace him. But, instead of waking Hughie up, Butcher just let him sleep and took on his duty. When he woke up Frenchie, the short man looked at him with a raised brow and an accusatory smile. At the time, Butcher shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal, he wasn’t tired and the lad needed it more than him. Well, at least it was how Butcher justified his actions to himself after he noticed what he did.

And it wasn't the last time he did something like that. Every time they ordered Chinese, Butcher made sure to ask for extra spring rolls because he knew they were Hughie's favorites. Every time Hughie's things ended up fucked up because of a mission, like clothes or electronic devices, he made sure they were replaced as fast as possible. Every time they were both driving alone, he let Hughie blast his favorite songs and kept his mouth shut every time he started to hum them to himself. The strange part is that Billy didn’t feel irritated by it. He felt…..satisfied with Hughie’s happiness just like he once was with Becca’s. 

And the touches, god the touches. He was sure MM started to notice how he kept putting a reassuring hand on Hughie's shoulder or back. Or how he put himself in front of Hughie every time there was danger nearby. 

Most of the time, he did those things automatically. He didn't even notice and, when he did, all those feelings that he was trying so hard to shove down would pop up to say hi and wave their fingers like fucking parasites. It was annoying, it was really annoying and, sometimes, Butcher had to take a few steps back and force himself to stay away from the lad. Ignore how the lad seemed hurt by being put aside was hard, but besides that, he thought he was handling things pretty well. He had no other option, after all. The lad didn't like him that way, Butcher was pretty much sure Hughie was still in love with Annie even though they aren't dating anymore. 

Then, well. Then things just HAD to go to hell.

Apparently, Hughie's mum was a supe and she worked for Vought before she decided to fuck off. The thing is, she was a very powerful telepath, hence how she was able to keep running from Vought. So, when Edgar found out that Hughie was her son, he kidnapped Hughie hoping that his mother would turn herself in. Much later, they found out that Hughie's mum was indeed alive, but in a mental institution located in Russia after several strokes that left her worse than a vegetable. 

Anyway, they were able to rescue Hughie. They infiltrate the facility with Starlight's help. While The Boys and her were acting as bait, distracting everyone. He and Kimiko were trying to find Hughie's location and rescue him. During the entire time, Butcher's heart was beating like crazy and it wasn't because of the adrenaline. Fuck adrenaline, he faced Homelander once and his heartbeats didn't go up. It was pumping furiously because he was afraid of losing Hughie.

He was trying to calm himself, trying to prepare himself to see Hughie hurt, tortured, and treated like a lab rat, because, otherwise, he was sure he was going berserk with the vision of an injured Hughie. However, when they opened the door where Hughie was being kept, the lad was fine. He looked at them with his big blue eyes and that stupid happy and relieved face and.....and Billy lost it. He was so fucking relieved and glad that he couldn’t help himself. 

"Butc-"

Billy didn't even let the lad talk. He walked towards him, let his gun fall into the floor, grabbed Hughie's face, and kissed him like he was a starving man. Then, his arms embraced Hughie and he touched the side of his head on Hughie's. Hughie's smell was wrong, he should smell like shampoo for kids, but he was smelling like someone that was trapped in a bloody hospital. It made Billy angry.

"Are you hurt?" He asked, stepping back to evaluate Hughie's state. Hughie was glaring at him in shock and Billy carefully put his hand on Hughie's cheek. "Lad, are you all right?" He asked again. He needed an answer, he needed to know that they….that they didn’t do anything bad with him. 

  
  


"Yeah, yeah," Hughie managed to say. "I'm fi-fine, they didn't hurt me." 

Then he smiled, it was a little thing, soft and gentle. Billy was able to calm down a little bit, but he was still too fucking worried. Hughie looked over Billy's shoulder to see Kimiko, she pointed to the hall and he understood that she wanted them to go. But Billy was still glaring at him, panting. Hughie put his hand on Billy's shoulder and squeezed him.

"We need to go, right?" He asked, and Billy nodded, regaining control over himself.

"Aye, stay behind me and don't do anything stupid, alright?" he ordered, picking up his guns. Hughie nodded.

Then, Billy led the way, followed by Hughie and then Kimiko, who was taking care of their back. They made their way through the white halls, shooting, running, and doing what they needed to do. During the whole entire thing, Billy divided his mind between destroying everyone in their way and protecting Hughie the best he could. When they finally met MM, Frenchie, and Starlight, Billy was so blind with his anger and need to protect Hughie that he almost shot them.

He took a deep breath.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," he screamed. 

*

The van was quiet during their way back home. Butcher stood there, in the back of the van, his eyes were closed and his head was leaning against the seat. At that moment, Butcher didn't even understand what he was thinking or feeling and he didn't want to. He just wanted to block everything, but it was very hard to do so while trapped there with his teammates.

"Are you serious, mon coeur?" Billy could hear Frenchie whispering. "Monsieur Charcutier really kissed Petit Hughie?"

"What?" MM exclaimed out loud.

"Shhh," Frenchie said. "Be quiet," he added.

Butcher scoffed and opened his eyes. Everyone stopped talking and kept looking ahead. Everyone except Hughie. He was glaring at Butcher and Butcher stared him back, wondering what the lad was thinking or feeling. Was he mad? He didn't look so, but Butcher couldn't quite tell what was going on in Hughie's mind. He was just there, unfazed and thoughtful. Although, for Billy, it didn't matter what the lad was thinking. 

He was still alive. 

Billy closed his eyes again.....he ended up falling asleep without noticing. The adrenaline that moved him left his body.

When he woke up again, he was still in the vain, but it wasn't moving. He looked up and immediately noticed Hughie, who was sitting by his side watching a damn video, probably some Billy Joel's shit. Billy smiled and then huffed, catching Hughie's attention.

"You woke up," Hughie pointed.

"No shit, sherlock," Butcher replied wittily. "Where are the others?"

"Inside," Hughie replied. "They thought it wouldn't be a good idea to wake you up because they didn't know how you would react and I offered myself to stay behind and watch," he explained.

"You should be inside," Billy mouthed worried. "Resting."

"I told you I was fine," Hughie replied with a smile.

"About what I did back there, lad, I-"

"I wasn't lying when I said to you that when I was talking with Annie I was talking about Billy Joel, you know? I love him, platonically of course. And I admire his music and all," he said. "But, you weren't completely wrong when you assumed that I was talking about you, because I do like you. Even though you are a completely crazy bastard, I like you. And it's just like Billy Joel said, you are just the lunatic I was looking for and I enjoy your madness," he confessed, offering a fond smile to Billy.

"That," Billy started. "Is the shitiest love confession I ever heard," he replied provocatively.

"Well, I'm sorry," Hughie said, sounding offended. "Not all of us have the capacity to obliterate a mini-army, enter a cell, and kiss the people we like."

"No, you don't get it, lad," Billy said, he was also smiling and Hughie never saw Butcher smile like that. "I liked it, it's very you." He confessed. "But, we can't," Billy argued, running his hands on his face. "We can't do anything about this."

"By this, you mean our feelings? Because I am sure we can" Hughie said. "We may die anyway, at least we can enjoy our time together,” he argued. “You know, when you confronted me, I decided not to say anything about my real feelings because I thought you weren’t interested. I mean, you pretty much wanted to talk to me to turn me down because you misheard a conversation. But then….well, you kissed me. Is this about Becca?"

"I don't want to talk about feelings, lad," Billy hissed, regretting how harshly he sounded. "I don't want to think about them either," he took a deep breath. “But no, it isn’t about Becca.”

He still loves Becca, he always will, but he was starting to love the lad as much as he loves her and it, it was fucking terrifying. He isn’t a person that is easily scared, but losing Becca, twice, broke him beyond repair and he didn’t know if he could survive it a third time. Billy wasn't good at dealing with feelings, he really wasn't and he was tired of being so afraid of losing the few people he cared about. He was so fucking tired and he just wanted someone to say to him what he should do. If he should be logical about this or if he should give up to his feelings once more.

"Then don't," Hughie replied, putting a hand on his cheek. Billy glared at him. "You are a man of action, then act," he finished.

For a moment, Billy didn’t know what to do, but then what Hughie said before really hit him. They could die at any moment, but now they were pretty much alive. Hughie was right in front of him and the way he was looking at Billy was so full of longing and love that it destroyed Billy’s walls. So, he obeyed Hughie and leaned forward, taking his lips. It was a slow kiss like Billy was trying to savor Hughie’s taste. He put a hand on Hughie’s cheek and with his thumb, he caressed his skin. Billy groaned and Hughie did the same in reply. Then they stopped and looked at each other. 

Hughie saw the pain in Billy’s eyes. He could see it all, the anger, the grief, the fear of the future and what could happen with them. But he also could see hope and love and it all made Hughie’s heart ache. God, Billy’s emotions were something magnificent and it was all for him. Only he was allowed to see their brave leader so vulnerable, so naked. When Billy tried to hide it by turning his face away, Hughie stopped him and made Billy look into his eyes. Billy hoped Hughie could understand everything he couldn’t say out loud and Hughie did. They didn’t need more words.

They started to undress each other, taking their take, framing their moment in their memory. When they were finally united, with Hughie going up and down on his cock, Billy felt anchored. He felt at peace and when they came together it was like the whole world had vanished. There were just the two of them there, inside of that van and each other's arms. They knew the happiness they were feeling was a fragile thing and they were worshipping it with their silence.

Just when Billy was starting to overthink, just when all the bliss was starting to fade. Hughie brought him back over the edge of the abyss with simple words.

"MM will kill us when he finds out what we did here," Hughie said mindlessly. “Did you ever notice that he has OCD? We should have done this inside,” Billy laughed and spooned Hughie, kissing the back of his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I hope you all enjoyed the reading. Please don't forget the kudos if you liked it and comments are always welcomed! You can find me on my Tumblr (@knightthart) if you wanna see what I am planning to write or keep updated about ongoing fics.
> 
> Also, English isn't my language and I don't have a beta. If you see any mistakes let me know and I'll fix it.
> 
> The title from his fic came from Yoy May Be Right by Billy Joel!


End file.
